Epiphany - The sudden realization or comprehension of the larger essence or meaning of something.
You're probably asking yourself, "what on earth is that all about?" Well, let me tell ya, I had a serious "Aha" moment this morning, an epiphany, if you will. Why today? Who knows. But it happened; it undeniably happened. The feeling washed over me like a wave with no warning, but it was INCREDIBLE - a moment that I will never, ever forget. I honestly don't know WHY I had this very emotional and moving experience today, but I certainly know WHO caused it to happen - It's this little guy...
Yep, this blue-eyed, innocent little beauty, without even knowing it, just opened my eyes, and I mean opened my eyes WIDE to the real meaning of my existence. It may sound corny, sappy and crazy, but think what you will. I know that I changed today, and that's all that matters to me.
In 8 days, we will mark our 2 year anniversary of having moved from our lifelong home in San Antonio here to Ft. Worth. Not a big deal to most people. To me, however, it was HUGE - very unexpected, totally out of character, more life-changing than I ever imagined it would be. Everyone was stunned - how could we up and leave San Antonio - our home, our jobs, our family, our friends - what were we thinking??????? Many times, I literally had to defend our decision even though it was no one else's decision but ours to make. Somehow, despite the absolute craziness of it all, we knew in our hearts that it was right and it gave us peace. I just never knew how MUCH peace it would bring until this morning..........
Take a good look at this baby boy. HE is the reason we are here. As Jeremiah 29:11 states, God had a plan for us. We may not have known that plan at the beginning, but now it is all crystal clear. When Brian and Bailey moved away to Ft. Worth, my heart simply couldn't rest. I missed my child with everything inside of me. I knew that their move was the best thing for their future, yet I couldn't picture a future without them in it. Sure, I knew that Ft. Worth wasn't all that far away, but I wanted, NEEDED more than just the daily phone call or occasional visit. We all did. James and the the boys felt their absence just as strongly as I did. We had dozens of conversations about what to do - none of our decisions were made lightly. By the grace of God, we found our way...............we left all that was familiar to us to move toward something that was more IMPORTANT to us - more important than anything should be to anyone - OUR family. Yes, our little family of six - James, Brian, Bailey, Braydon, Brenner and me. That's what we focused on. That's what made us persevere. That's what we defended anytime we were questioned. That's the prize we kept our eyes on, and what a prize it was. To be all together again has been a gift. Yes, we miss our extended family and friends. Yes, moving here was a struggle at times, especially during the months that James and I had to be apart while he waited for his transfer. But, I can honestly say, that never for one moment have any of us regretted our decision. And, this morning, our plan - the plan God had for us - became even more clear...........Weston. There is nowhere on this earth that I could be happy other than with this precious child. God knew. He simply knew. It was His plan and always has been. THAT is what hit me this morning. I am so blessed to be EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be. What a treasure! This beautiful little boy is what life is all about and I am over the moon in love with him and all that he is. I know I've said it a million times, but I'll say it a million times more..........Weston means EVERYTHING to me. For those of you who haven't yet experienced being a grandparent, you just can't know. You simply cannot comprehend that level of love. It by far surpasses all other emotions. Having him here perfectly completes life's circle and it all just hit me today. Yes, yes, the general knowledge of all that has always been with me, but the TRUE force of it didn't weigh upon me until now. I have been chosen to be this little boy's Granny. God is trusting me to teach him all I know and to keep him loved and safe while he is in my care. Nothing compares to that and I will never take that responsibility for granted. I can say with total confidence that I am and always have been a good mother. That job has always been of top priority. Sure, there are things that I would change if I could go back, but for the most part, I am extremely proud of the way I have raised and continue to raise my three children. And now, as a Granny, I get the amazing opportunity to, in a way, do it again. Sure, Weston isn't my child. He is ever so lucky to have Brian and Bailey as his parents. They love him unconditionally and are the ones who will ultimately make the decisions that will guide his life. But, through God's plan, I am here to share in that. I have the blessing of being with Weston almost every single day. Brian and Bailey are entrusting me with their greatest gift while they have to be away from him. This time around, I have more knowledge, experience and patience than I had when raising my own children and those things can only benefit sweet Weston. That, too, is God's plan - the completion of life's circle. It's all just simply meant to be and I just didn't clearly see it before like I do now. I certainly knew that Weston's presence in my life was powerful - more powerful than anything I'd ever felt - but now I totally "get it." Heavy stuff, I know. And, for some of you, it will never make sense. But, for this girl, things have never been more clear.
So, thank you, my tired little munchkin. Thank you for opening my eyes to God's plan. I hope that everyone near and dear to me gets to someday experience what I did today. I will carry it with me always.
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